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Hospitalization Discussion group's Journal

Friday, July 22, 2005

3:37PM

The therapist admitted at one point that she herself had had an eating disorder at one point. I hate to admit it but I looked at her rather boxy shape and felt a sinking flutter in the pit of my stomach. Still she seemed infintely more together than I was and I would have gladly traded a much larger point rear end for the settled and comfortable existence I assumed that she led. To this day though I still wonder why she didn't realize, having been in the same position herself, that when she flipped through those food journals she made me turn in every week, that I felt as embarrassed and violated as if someone were reading a diary of my most depraved and least flattering moments.

Thursday, July 21, 2005

11:39AM

I started seeing a psychologist when I was in grad school because I had just moved into my own apartment for the first time and all I could buy at the grocery store was diet mountain dew and cat food. At the first appointment, I told her how my mother had banned me from the kitchen when I was a teenager because our stove was so old and I was so lacking in the common sense department that she was afraid I would blow up the apartment building. I actually said I wanted some help getting used to cooking and eating in my own house.
At the next appointment she told me that what I had said before was "Bullshit" and that I had an eating disorder. I was too stunned to tell her that she was full of shit and in all fairness probably not thinking clearly enought to tell her she was full of shit.
Thus began the food journals and things just went downhill from there.

11:26AM - hola

I started this community because although people often talk about their daily struggles with their eating disorder, I find there isn't much direct discussion of treatment which can also be a struggle and sometimes even counter productive and damaging. It is my hope that having a place to talk about such things with people who have had similar experiences will help those in the process and ease the worries or answer questions of people considering it.